Goop gift guides are always so bizarre, that we have to wonder if Gwyneth Paltrow gets off on the weirdness.
We wouldn't be all that surprised!
This year's Valentine's Day gift compilations (there are guides for men, women, couples, and single folk) include a lot of sex-related items, so the pressure's really on to bump uglies this February 14! Which is just a little over two weeks away!
Related: Gwyneth Says Chris Martin Would Take A Bullet For Her
Gwynnie has included bondage rope, silk blind folds, spicy lingerie, jewelry shaped like tits and ass, lace masks, and sex oil, just to name a few.
Our fave, however, is definitely the box of organic condoms ($14 for a ten-pack), which the actress describes as:
"You (and your partner) won't feel these brilliant, nontoxic (sadly, regular condoms are often made with synthetic dyes and fragrances), fair-trade, vegan-friendly, lubricated latex condoms at all. They're the cleanest way to practice (fantastic) safe sex."
Sounds kinda hot! We never thought a condom could be all of those things! It's great!
Then there are the expensive, non-sexual items, like a $374 Tiffany & Co. silver harmonica, $260 Prada flashlight, and $195 "energy clearing" kit, whatever the hell that means.
The most expensive thing on the list is presumably a stay at the Babington House in Somerset England, where the price is only upon request. Mhmm, we know where they're going with that one!
All told, we'd say this isn't even the most outrageous of Gwynnie's gift guides.
Remember when she was hawking Dennis Hopper's personal record collection for $150K???
Will you just be sticking to chocolates and flowers for your loved one this year, Perezcious readers???
[Image via WENN.]