AnnaLynne McCord Almost Committed Suicide! Actress Opens Up About Rape & Abuse That Almost Destroyed Her

It’s true what they say: celebrities really are just like the rest of us.
AnnaLynne McCord is a famous actress and model, but, like roughly 20% of all women in the United States, she is also a victim of rape.
The 27-year-old penned an essay in the July issue of Cosmopolitan which candidly describes not only her history of being physically and sexually abused, but also the lingering emotional pain and torment she’s suffered through since.
It’s genuinely one of the bravest and most inspired pieces we’ve ever read.
The 90210 star begins by describing her strict, religious upbringing and the corporal punishment she suffered through at the hands of her parents.
She admitted:

“My parents believed in strict ‘discipline,’ as they called it ├óΓé¼ΓÇ¥ I would call it abuse. The punishments were painful and ritualistic. We would have to bend over the bed, sometimes with our pants down, arms outstretched, and get spanked.”

This stunted her emotional growth, though. It maligned her sexual appetite, and eventually made her feel ashamed of feelings that are actually quite natural.
She confessed:

“I was meeting lots of hot boys… I became sort of promiscuous but didn├óΓé¼Γäót actually have sex. I├óΓé¼Γäód get right there with the guy and then stop, thinking I├óΓé¼Γäód go to hell. Then I├óΓé¼Γäód go to church to cleanse myself. At the same time, I pushed men to be violent toward me. After all, as I had learned in my childhood, people who loved me hurt me. I would slap the guys, antagonize them, until I believed they wanted to hit me. My sexual relationships were dark and violently dramatic.”

After that, AnnaLynne moved to LA to pursue acting. At the age of 18 she was raped by a “friend.” In grippingly-awful detail, she explained:

“One night, a guy friend called. He said he needed a good night├óΓé¼Γäós sleep for a meeting, as he├óΓé¼Γäód been crashing on someone├óΓé¼Γäós couch. I had known him for some time, so I said to come over and I set him up with a clean towel. We sat on the bed and talked for a while, then I fell asleep. When I woke up, he was inside me.
At first, I felt so disoriented and numb, I closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep. I wondered if I had done something to give him the wrong idea. I felt afraid of making him angry. Believe it or not, I didn’t want to offend him. I just wanted it to be over. My childhood had come back to haunt me again: Because of the physical abuse, I didn’t believe there were borders between other people’s bodies and my own. I didn’t believe I had a voice.
And then, suddenly, my thoughts took a practical turn: I could get an STD. I could get pregnant. I have a boyfriend. I said, ‘Please, don├óΓé¼Γäót!’ He stopped and went in the bathroom and finished.”

She described what happened next:

“I lay there and stared at the ceiling for the rest of the night, frozen. At dawn, I wrote a note to him and left. I sat outside in a car and waited for him to leave. When he did, I went back inside, took a shower, and pretended it hadn├óΓé¼Γäót happened… I didn├óΓé¼Γäót tell anyone other than asking a friend if I should worry about getting pregnant if a man pulled out during sex… I acted strong ├óΓé¼ΓÇ¥ fake strong. Over the next few months, I began to go dark… Then one night, I did go to a club with friends, and I saw him there. We made eye contact and I felt like throwing up. I turned and ran, sprinting into traffic.”

From there things only got worse. AnnaLynne cut herself on a regular basis and even contemplated suicide. She explained:

“I lay on my bed in a hotel in Madrid for days, feeling increasingly alone and hopeless. I had pills and water in hand and thought seriously about killing myself. I didn├óΓé¼Γäót fear death ├óΓé¼ΓÇ¥ it felt like a solution. When you├óΓé¼Γäóre in that mode, you don├óΓé¼Γäót think suicide is a selfish thing to do. You think you├óΓé¼Γäóre doing everyone a favor… I got ready to swallow the pills and suddenly heard myself screaming, ‘Stop!'”

Thankfully, after finding support through counseling and a strong network of friends, the actress eventually began to heal. Now she travels across the globe and helps other victims of sexual abuse.
In an episode of 90210, however, her wounds were reopened when the character she played on the show suffered through experiences strikingly similar to her AnnaLynne’s own. She said:

“The rape plot on 90210 came around this time. When I, as Naomi, fought with my unsupportive friend, she said the rapist had claimed I was in love with him. It was a little too close to real life, sparking my meltdown. But the story line gave me an opportunity. I talked to viewers about rape, and I heard from young women across the country.”

AnnaLynne ends her beautiful essay with these wise word. She offers:

“I have my message for women and girls: You have a voice. Don├óΓé¼Γäót put yourself in a box. Don├óΓé¼Γäót let the polite lies of society silence you. Honestly, I would endure everything all over again ├óΓé¼ΓÇ¥ it has led me to my own revolution.”

Wow. What a moving tale.
We’re grateful AnnaLynne shared her emotional journey; hopefully her bravery will help and inspire others.
[Image via WENN.]