Chrissy Teigen is getting candid about her mental health.
On Thursday, the TV star took to Instagram to share glimpses of herself doing a “log crossing” — which the fear she experienced while doing so made her realize is indicative of her life and mental health. She explained in her caption that she first attempted the activity a few years ago when she was “struggling mentally,” and that it was “incredibly hard” then, adding that she thought it’d be much easier now. But that wasn’t the case… She wrote:
“Trying it today, I was sure it would be so different. While I still struggle mentally, I thought I could make the pain go away by relaxing my body, breathing and just taking in and enjoying what I was doing. But plot twist!! It was just as hard. I shaved off a little time, but what I love about this is how much it surprises you and how much you learn about yourself.”
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She continued:
“My rational mind knows that it would be totally fine to just fall…I would gently be lowered down, but the realization that I am so terrified to fall again in life that it becomes overwhelmingly debilitating both mentally and physically was…a lot.”
The Cravings author then admitted that she lives her “whole life so scared.” She said:
“I thought that since I have seen times that were so dark since the last time I did this, that I would be fearless on this god damn thing. But I’m still so scared. Then I realized I now live my whole life so scared. I don’t enjoy much outside my family, my few friends, television and crafts. I feel like a very shrunken version of myself.”
That’s so sad!
She then spoke directly to fans:
“And I know I am meant to be big. I’m really scared of letting you guys down and I find myself fighting with myself all day in my brain with things I want to say, things I want to explain, but I’m just so fearful. I miss so many parts of myself and I hope one day I can shed some fear and accept that I will never be perfect for you guys and that is okay!!”
The 38-year-old, who shares four kids with husband John Legend, concluded:
“But for now I will continue to work on it all and try to balance my brain with rational thoughts, and try to be kind to myself and my body and mind. And I will always continue to ramble aimlessly in captions”
See her full post (below):
Powerful words! We’re sending love Chrissy’s way.
Thoughts? Let us know down in the comments.
[Images via Chrissy Teigen/Instagram]
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