Taylor Swift's The Tortured Poets Department Barely Being About Ex Joe Alwyn Might Be The Most Expert Takedown Of Them All!

She once loved a London Boy… and then it all came crashing down!

Taylor Swift‘s new album The Tortured Poets Department dropped on Friday. And while we knew there would be Joe Alwyn breakup references, we didn’t realize the takedown of the actor would be an album that is seemingly BARELY centered around his six year relationship with the pop star! A lot of the subject matter appears to be about Matty Healy actually, despite the fact that he was rumored to be with Taylor for a only few months.

If that’s not one of the most searing burns, we don’t know what is!! However, some of the most heartbreaking and pointed tracks give reference to her former actor beau. So don’t worry Joe — some heat is still on you!

Taylor is masterful at takedowns, references, and easter eggs (she mentions the color blue so many times, as a clear nod to Alwyn) — and Joe was immune to none of it. While she’ll likely never confirm the pen jabs, we can have a day speculating what exactly was in reference to her boyfriend from 2016 to 2023!

So Long London

This song is Taylor’s portrayal of the bitter goodbye, and as we know, a devastating track 5 on the album — something she’s known for. Tay tried very hard to keep it going, but you can’t be in one-sided in a relationship. Some of the most shattering lyrics include:

“I stoppеd CPR, after all, it’s no use
The spirit was gonе, we would never come to
And I’m pissed off you let me give you all that youth for free”

“And my friends said it isn’t right to be scared
Every day of a love affair
Every breath feels like rarest air
When you’re not sure if he wants to be there”

“You swore that you loved me, but where were the clues?
I died on the altar waitin’ for the proof
You sacrificed us to the gods of your bluest days”

OOF!

loml

While most think this would stand for “love of my life”, it actually references the “loss of my life”.

Many fans think this addresses Swift’s feelings of betrayal over her relationship with Joe not working out. She talks of “getting married” and having a life together — something she regrets now! The song also allegedly references Alwyn’s former reputation as a ladies man. The most pointed lyrics include:

“You low-down boy, you stand-off guy
You holy ghost, you told me I’m the love of your life
You said I’m the love of your life
About a million times”

“You shit-talked me under the table
Talking rings and talking cradles
I wish I could unrecall
How we almost had it all”

I Can Do It With a Broken Heart

This one is clearly about Taylor trying to desperately hold it together as she launched the Eras Tour and broke up with Joe. These lyrics are a window into her mindset in the early days of the split!

“I can read your mind
“She’s having the time of her life
There in her glittering prime
The lights refract sequin stars off her silhouette every night”
I can show you lies”

“‘Cause I’m a real tough kid
I can handle my shit
They said, “Babe, you gotta fake it ’til you make it” and I did
Lights, camera, bitch, smile
Even when you wanna die
He said he’d love me all his life
But that life was too short
Breaking down, I hit the floor
All the piеces of me shatterеd as the crowd was chanting, “More”
I was grinnin’ like I’m winnin’
I was hittin’ my marks
‘Cause I can do it with a broken heart”

“I’m so depressed, I act like it’s my birthday every day
I’m so obsessed with him, but he avoids me like the plague
I cry a lot, but I am so productive, it’s an art
You know you’re good when you can even do it with a broken heart”

Poor Tay! We’re so glad she’s in a better place now!

The Black Dog

One of TTPD’s three bonus tracks is The Black Dog. It appears to be a universal song of breakups BUT there are some references you can point to Joe. Swift  mentions a “cruel fraternity” she pledged with her ex, which could reference the actor’s friends who she hung out with during their romance. The Black Dog is also a bar in the UK.

Fresh Out the Slammer

Swift references “grey and blue and fights and tunnels / Handcuffed to the spell I was under for just one hour of sunshine” — and as we know, blue is generally a nod to Joe. Tunnels could also reference Cornelia Street where she almost left Alwyn but turned around just BEFORE the tunnel when he called! The track might also be a callback to Are You Ready for It? where she calls Joe her jailor!

Again, we could be way off base with this, but that’s what we discovered, Perezcious readers! Are you SHOCKED there are so little obvious Joe references in this new double album? Let us know how you feel about it in the comments (below)!

[Image via MEGA/WENN]