Lady GaGa Reveals She Used To Have Suicidal Thoughts 'Every Day' & 'Hated' Being Famous

This is such a brave and heartbreaking thing to share.

Lady GaGa has been getting deeply personal with fans through her latest studio album, Chromatica, and in an emotional new interview with Lee Cowan on CBS Sunday Morning, she revealed devastating new details about her mental health journey including past thoughts of suicide and self-harm.

The 34-year-old recalled dark moments where she had a hard time managing her public persona and who she really is: Stefani Germanotta.

“My biggest enemy is ‘Lady Gaga’, that’s what I was thinking. My biggest enemy is her.’ You can’t go to the grocery store now. If you go to dinner with your family somebody comes to the table, you can’t have dinner with your family without it being about you, it’s always about you. All the time it’s about you.”

She added:

“If I’m at the grocery store and somebody comes up very close to me and puts a cellphone right in my face and starts taking pictures, just total panic, full-body pain. I’m braced because I’m so afraid. It’s like I’m an object, I’m not a person.”

The A Star Is Born actress went on to say that several songs and lyrics on Chromatica allude to a time that was “so dark,” she had reached a point where she “totally gave up on [herself].” Adding more about her complicated relationship with fame over the years, she said:

“I hated being famous, I hated being a star, I felt exhausted and used up. It’s not always easy if you have mental issues to let other people see. I used to show, I used to self-harm, I used to say, ‘Look I cut myself, see I’m hurting.’ Because I didn’t think anyone could see because mental health, it’s invisible.”

GaGa continued that she used to have suicidal thoughts “every day.”

“I didn’t really understand why I should live other than to be there for my family. That was an actual real thought and feeling, why should I stick around? I lived in this house while people watched me for a couple of years to make sure that I was safe.”

Wow.

Lady GaGa went on to describe how creating music ended up saving her when she needed it most, and she swore on her “future unborn children” that she has to continue singing no matter what. She also said she’s “found a way to love [herself] again,” telling Cowen:

“I don’t hate Lady Gaga anymore. Now I look at this piano and I go, ‘Ugh, my god, my piano, my piano that I love so much. My piano, that lets me speak, my piano that lets me make poetry. My piano that’s mine.’”

The pop songstress has touched and inspired so many through her craft — our world just wouldn’t be the same without her or her music in it. We’re so glad she found to way to make it through such a difficult period of her life and come out stronger on the other side.

Watch more from GaGa and Cowan (below):