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Liam Payne Talks 'Severe' Suicidal Ideation & Addiction Problems During 1D Days

liam payne : talks suicidal ideation and addiction in the 1d days

[Warning: Potentially Triggering Content]

We may look back fondly on the One Direction days, but they weren’t all they were cracked up to be.

Liam Payne has been one of the biggest proponents for getting the band (Harry Styles, Niall Horan, and Louis Tomlinson, minus Zayn Malik) back together. After all his talk about a reunion, it may surprise people to hear that the pop star was suffering from some intense addiction and mental health issues during his time in the boyband.

Related: Liam Ends 10-Month Engagement To Maya Henry: ‘I Keep On Hurting People’

Speaking on the Diary of a CEO podcast, he reflected on the 1D era:

“There were a few pictures of me on a boat and I was all bloated out and I call it my pills-and-booze face. My face was 10 times bigger than it is now. The problem was, the best way to secure us was to lock us in our rooms, and what is in the room? A mini-bar. So I had a party-for-one that seemed to carry on for years. It was wild but the only way you could get frustration out.”

Asked by host Steven Bartlett whether the excessive substance abuse led to suicidal ideation, the 27-year-old admitted:

“Yeah. There is definitely some stuff I have never spoken about to do with it. It was really, really severe.”

The Strip That Down singer alluded to this mental health crisis back in 2019, when he revealed on Straight Talking with Ant Middleton that he was “quite lucky to be here still.” He shared:

“There’s times where that level of loneliness and people getting into you every day every so often… it’s like, ‘When will this end?’ that’s almost nearly killed me a couple of times.”

Asked if he ever considered acting on his thoughts, he replied:

“Yeah, when I’ve been in a bad place. It’s 100%, you know. There’s no point denying it — it’s definitely been on the menu a couple of times in my life. Luckily I had great people around me. When things start to pile up on you it can get you, and you can only control you. You have to get on with it.”

Related: Niall Horan Recalls Feeling Trapped At The Height Of 1D’s Fame

Despite this heavy cloud hanging over his 1D memories, Liam told Bartlett he still hopes the band will reunite “sooner rather than later.” He said:

“I get on great with most of them. I had a call from Harry the other day. I love him to pieces. Louis I speak to a lot. We have always had a close connection.”

We’re glad Liam is able to have a healthy relationship to the other 1D boys, even if his experience in the band sounds unhealthy. We hope he continues to get the help and care he needs.

[Image via WENN/Avalon & One Direction/YouTube]

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Jun 08, 2021 12:40pm PDT