Jen Shah Breaks Down In Prison Diary, Says She Wants 'To Go Home Right Now'

Jen Shah is sharing her first messages from behind bars!

The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City star has been in Bryan Federal Prison Camp in Bryan, Texas for about a month now after surrendering herself on February 17. She was sentenced to roughly 6.5 years in jail after pleading guilty to just one count of conspiracy to commit wire fraud for her involvement in a nationwide telemarketing scheme that targeted the elderly and working class.

Simply put, now that she’s facing the reality of her consequences, she is DEEPLY regretting owning up to her crimes!

In the emotional message, Jen reflected on the painful moment she said goodbye to her husband Sharrieff Shah, and her children Sharrieff Jr. and Omar outside of her new home. The farewell began with “an anxiety attack” as she was just two miles away from prison, causing her to feel like she “could not breathe” and her hands to go “numb.” She explained on Thursday:

“My worst fear and the unimaginable was about to happen – having to say goodbye to my sweet husband and precious baby Omar (he’ll always be my baby even though he’s a senior in HS).”

Her eldest son wasn’t there in person, but she was able to FaceTime him. Things got even sadder when the family arrived at the facility, she noted:

“[I[ hugged Omar as tight as I could and cried as I buried my head in his chest and held him as tight as I could, not wanting to face reality that this would be the last time I hugged him for a while.”

She also struggled to express how much love she had for her husband in the short amount of time she was given, writing:

“I turned to embrace him; hugging him as if holding him harder would somehow erase this horrible nightmare. I wanted to remember his embrace, his smell, his touch. I held his face in both of my hands. As [I] looked into his eyes, tears streaming down my face, I told him he is the love of my life and I love him more than anything. Having seconds to tell your husband how much you love him and hoping he truly understands the depths of your love while officers stand there silently urging you to move quickly was the most horrible experience. It’s as if you know your world is ending and you have 30 seconds to tell the people you love how much you love them and hope they feel your love and understand its magnitude.”

Omar gave her one more embrace while his eyes were “saying, ‘Mama please don’t leave'” and then she accepted her fate and entered the prison, where she had to hand over a contact list she had hoped to bring inside with her, which made her feel “instantly isolated.” She continued:

“I feel physically sick. I feel like I don’t belong here. I thought I could do this but I’ve decided I can’t. I want to go home right now, but I know that is impossible. Please Allah help me, please.”

While this sounds truly gut-wrenching, let’s just remind you, she pleaded guilty to wire fraud. The pain she caused her victims lasted them a lot longer than she’s been in prison — and they don’t have a six-year window when it will end. So sorry, we’re not biting on this victim act…

She seems to recognize her own responsibility at least somewhat since in her second journal entry recounting her first night in prison. She wrote on Friday:

“I keep thinking this is insane, completely ridiculous. Why am I here? I mean, I know why I’m here, but this just feels like someone like me doesn’t belong here. I’ve never been in trouble before. Then I instantly stop myself from going down this self-destructive path of thinking. I am here because I did this to myself and there is no one to blame but me. The pain and guilt I feel for creating victims, for doing this to my family – putting them through this ordeal the past 2 1/2+ years. And their pain of having to watch me surrender yesterday, and now the beginning of what will be 78 months without me is crushing my soul.”

Oof… Prison is no joke. Check out her full diary entries HERE and HERE. You can also hear Jen’s husband read her statements, as well, HERE. Thoughts, Perezcious readers? Let us know (below).

[Image via Bravo /YouTube]