Noah Cyrus Admits During Lows Of Xanax Addiction She 'Didn't Want To Be Alive Anymore'

[Warning: Potentially Triggering Content]

Noah Cyrus is providing some more insight into her former Xanax addiction.

If you’ve been keeping up, you know we reported back in July how Miley Cyrus’ little sister revealed she got hooked on the sedative at just 18 years old. She explained her boyfriend at the time “was the first person that gave me a Xanax, and it became a way for us to bond.”

While she didn’t outright detail his name, many fans quickly pinned Diego Leanos, AKA Lil Xan as the man in question. We mean… it’s not much of a mystery, it’s in his name. As for why she gave in, she cited peer pressure, explaining:

“I think I wanted to fit in with him. I wanted to be what he wanted and what he thought was cool and what I thought everybody was doing.”

She also said the beginning of her addiction came when she realized the drug could “silence things out for a second and numb your pain.” As is the unfortunate case for many celebs once they succumb to the pressure of being in the spotlight.

However, as we reported at the time, she decided to make a change when she “realized that all the people that I love and all the people that I need, I was the one pushing them away,” and stated her new album The Hardest Part was “influenced” by her addiction. Now, amid said album’s release, she’s ready to open up even more.

During a Wednesday interview with Zane Lowe on Apple Music 1, she explained “this album came about at a time where I had a lot of change in my life” — starting with beating her addiction:

“At the end of December 2020 is when I decided to try and kick my addiction to downers, prescription pills, painkillers, Xanax. That was kind of my drug of choice. And I was completely wrapped inside of that drug. And when I had just lost all hope and all faith and all strength to keep going is when I just broke down and asked for help. Where for so long, I had been denying, denying, denying, and pushing away, where I finally just said, ‘I cannot lie to you anymore.’”

She revealed mental health professionals played a large role in her decision to attempt rehabilitation, noting:

“I called my therapist. I called my psychiatrist. And I think there was a lot of confusion that a lot of things clicked for them where a lot of stories hadn’t made sense in the past. A lot of things were clicking and I got the help that I needed and also that I deserve and that every person with addiction or mental health deserves. And then around that time, I met a new manager. He’s a huge component in me and my happiness today, genuinely. And you don’t get to say that a lot. I genuinely mean that. I feel like for the first time in my career, I’m really being thought after and looked after and my wellbeing and who I am. Who I am personally and not as the artist.”

It’s so good to hear she feels in control and taken care of — especially hearing how dark things got! Noah admitted she was “exhausted all the time” during the height of her addiction, and thus found it “hard” to work on her mental health. She told Zane:

“I didn’t have the energy to create. I didn’t have the energy to put truth or I was always writing. I think that’s one thing that’s always stayed the same with me is how truthful I’ve been and honest I’ve been about what’s going on inside and my mental health. I mean with my fans, I’m really straight up about my mental health and growing up, how that’s been hard for me in the public eye. But yeah, I mean I don’t know. I got to put a lot of it into my music and I’ve always been really truthful with that and meeting people that brought that out of me.”

She confessed in her darkest moments she “didn’t want to be alive anymore” because living was just “really painful” for her. Wow. She expressed:

“I was just waiting for one day that maybe I wouldn’t wake up. I don’t know where it was heading. There were a lot of scary moments.”

So sad to hear! She continued:

“Looping back to where I’m at right this second is something that if I have experienced this feeling and this life before being not easy, life’s not easy for anyone. Everybody’s life is custom to them and their pain is custom and their heartache is custom, but either it’s the first time or the first time in a very freaking long time that I have felt this feeling in myself of just peaceful happiness and just living day by day and going to sleep not hoping that I won’t wake up.”

As for where she is now compared to where she was back then, she expressed:

“I had to make peace with other things to get to where I am now. And now I have to make peace with who I was back then. I want to create music that’s on my own terms and art that’s on my own terms and whoever’s on board with it, I love it. And I love that. They love my music and I love that they love to sing, but I’m not going to conform to anything ever again. I just want to be myself. I just want to write music. I love music. I love writing songs.”

We’re so proud of the progress Noah has made, and hope to see her continued health. Stream her new album The Hardest Part September 16. See her full interview (below):