A New App That Teaches How To Tongue A Lady…By Having You Lick Your Phone First! Ewww!

See if you can get through this post without dry heaving…
There’s a new app out called Lick This that promises to teach those who…ahem…dive for pearls in the bedroom, how to hit their lady’s sunken treasure juuuuust right.
Hey, we’re all for personal pleasure! But the way this app is training your tongue to be better at oral sex…is by having you practice on your phone first!
Chyeah. Going down on your GROSS phone!
HUUUUURL!
You may not know this but cell phones are DISGUSTING! Think of where that thing has been! Now you’re going to put your mouth on it?!
Um…no thanks!
But, if you are desperate enough to need some taco tickle training, we suggest you Lysol wipe your mobile before you start eating it out!
HUUUUUURL!
Anyway, the app features several practice lessons, including flipping a virtual light switch and turning a gear.
Club Sexy Time, the creative company behind this cunnilingus app, claims that this won’t make you a licking expert.
Co-creator Chris Allick explained:

“Do we think you’ll be a better lover because of it? No. Do we think it’s an interesting approach to human computer interaction and making people think about their sexuality and maybe start a conversation? Totes.”

Oh now we get it! It’s like the movie Her!
Who needs a girlfriend when you can just have your phone sit on your face!
OMG! Why wasn’t that scene in the film! Imagine Joaquin Phoenix sending Scarlett Johansson to pleasure town with a few flicks of his mouth muscle!
Just don’t forget to have safe sex! Wrap it up!
Even if it’s just a cell phone, you can still catch plenty of diseases by tonguing that touch screen!
Srsly. It’s filthy.
HUUUUUURL!