Billie Eilish Started Watching Porn At 11 Years Old: 'It Really Destroyed My Brain'

Billie Eilish has opened up about a very sensitive subject — something almost everyone does and NO ONE talks about.

The superstar is known for being straightforward and speaking her mind, especially on topics that she’s passionate about. From climate change to COVID to body positivity, she has always made her opinion known. And now she’s turning her attention to pornography.

The Grammy winner touched on the topic in her new single Male Fantasy, which she performed over the weekend on Saturday Night Live. In it she sings:

Distract myself with pornography
I hate the way she looks at me
I can’t stand the dialogue, she would never be
That satisfied, it’s a male fantasy

Elaborating on her complicated relationship with porn in an interview with Howard Stern, she admitted:

“As a woman, I think porn is a disgrace. I used to watch a lot of porn, to be honest. I started watching porn when I was like 11.”

Whoa, really? 11?? We guess it’s been so readily available for kids now, that makes a disturbing kind of sense. She continued:

“I didn’t understand why it was a bad thing. I thought that’s how you learned how to have sex.”

Oh no… more on that later… She went on:

“I used to be the person that would talk about porn all the time. I’d be like, ‘Oh, it’s so stupid that anybody would think that porn is bad or f**ked up,’ you know, ‘I think it’s so cool and it’s great and it’s empowering.’ … I was an advocate and I thought I was ‘one of the guys’ and would talk about it and think I was really cool for not having a problem with it and not seeing why it was bad and… you know.”

But eventually she realized what she was seeing was really harmful to her mental health:

“I think it really destroyed my brain and I feel incredibly devastated that I was exposed to so much porn.”

As for the deeper effects of that exposure, the 19-year-old reflected:

“I think that I had sleep paralysis and these night terrors slash nightmares because of it. I think that’s how it started because I would just watch abusive BDSM and that’s what I thought was attractive. It got to a point where I couldn’t watch anything else unless it was violent. I didn’t think it was attractive.”

Apart from the nightmares, watching that kind of thing led to some serious issues when she started to have sex for real:

“And I was a virgin, I had never done anything, and it led to problems. The first few times I had sex, I was not saying no to things that were not good. It was because I thought that’s what I was supposed to be attracted to.”

So sad.

We can’t help but wonder how many other young people these days have experienced the exact same thing.

In hindsight, the artist has done a complete 180 on porn:

“I’m so angry that porn is so loved, and I’m so angry at myself for thinking that it was OK. The way that vaginas look in porn is f**king crazy. No vaginas look like that. Women’s bodies don’t look like that. We don’t come like that. … It’s how so many people think they’re supposed to learn.”

Billie seems to have a healthier view on romantic relationships now, although she clarified she’s “not a serial dater.” She explained:

“I don’t go to stuff and flirt with people. It’s really hard to meet people when people are either terrified of you or think that you’re out of their league. Last year, I thought that I’d be single for the rest of my life. I genuinely couldn’t even picture myself in a relationship of any sort. I got over that pretty fast.”

Elsewhere in the conversation, the Happier Than Ever vocalist revealed she had caught coronavirus over the summer. She shared:

“F**k that s**t, dude. It was bad. I didn’t die, and I wasn’t gonna die, but that does not take away from how miserable it was. It was terrible. I still have side effects. I was sick for, like, two months almost. This was in August, a couple months ago.”

TWO MONTHS! And that was with a breakthrough case — Billie was already vaccinated!

In fact, she thinks the vaccine may have saved her life:

“I want it to be clear that it is because of the vaccine I’m fine. I think if I weren’t vaccinated, I would have, like, died, because it was bad … When I say it was bad, I more just mean that it felt horrible. But really, in the scheme of COVID, it was not bad. You know what I mean? When you’re sick, you feel f**king horrible. … The vaccine is f**king amazing and it also saved Finneas from getting it, it saved my parents from getting it, saved my friends from getting it.”

Yeah, early on in the pandemic, a family that close would almost always transmit it to one another.

The singer also dished on her time hosting SNL. She made sure to clarify that she didn’t catch COVID at the comedy show but did notice that “Lorne [Michaels] was sick, coughing everywhere.” As for actually appearing on the program, she dished:

“Preparing for SNL was f**king nuts, dude. It was literally alien. I cried every single day of the week. No joke at all. I did actually love to act when I was a kid, but that’s not my world, so I don’t know what the f**k I’m doing. I feel like I’m terrible. I feel like I suck. … I actually did throw up ’cause of it. I had a full body reaction to being anxious about this the whole week. I threw up on a plane coming here. I had crazy s**ts when I got here like you would not believe. You know the ones where you have to get fully naked on the toilet… It was a crazy stomachache.”

The pop sensation told Stern that it was “scary” being in a room where “these amazingly talented actors are surrounding a table where, somehow, I’m the main course for this show” Though she felt unqualified for the gig, the nerves wore off when she was actually in front of the audience and she ultimately called it “one of the best days of my life.”

Check out some more of Billie’s interview with Stern (below):